what if i dont get to go

what if...all my dreams and aspirations and all what i have worked so bloody hard for go up in smoke. someone mitght as well beat me to pulp and leave me for dead. two hours of sleep and i get the most horrible exam. yeas i dotn expect them to hand me down a degree like candy. but i didnt expect them to just spew venom. and its like a challenge...its us v/s them. no scope for actually learning aobut the practical applications of our subject. where is the small class of ten discussin current topics with the professor over cups of coffee and weekly multiple choice tests that test our ability to understand rather than our ability to mug.

yet....

what if i dont get thru..and have to give it all over again. where did i go wrong? did i go wrong? is economics even the right subject for me? am i not the intelligent person that i thought i once was?what happened to me? and if they are trying to break our spirit, what do they hope to achieve from all of this? to prove a point? that they are not that predictable after all? then why be predictable for ten years and change now? am i just unlucky?

will i actually be leaving on a jet plane?