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how long has it been?

almost one year.

i am on a new sleep schedule and i will document changes to my life style on the blog. not that anyone reads it anyway, like i have said before, its a good time capsule. i hope that the goals of writing again regularly, is to see me through a masters degree atleast, not worry too much about failing the qualifiers, and try my darn hardest not to make an ass out of myself this year while teaching.

i woke up today early and am fighting sleep right now. i think i will read salai-i-martin again for some time. i just remember waking up without an alarm clock during the spring semester. but how i let go of all that hard work in just a few days. i couldnt help it though, i had been through a living hell. i still continue to live in this hell. more than anything i am totally irritated.

the reasons for me applying for a Phd in econ are very simple-absolute ignorance. i had no fucking clue it would be like this. man, i dont even know how to start. i guess my best bet for this blog would be a catharsis of sorts, every morning, wake up and start to relate what my life has been, is, and will continue to be for the next year at least. lest i say that i am exhausted, frustrated and disappointed. i know this is the exam that i am supposed to be at my best-the one that i have supposedly trained myself for the past so many years. but i have badly burnt out. i think i burnt out so badly, that i actually felt that i had lost the ability to do even simple economics. i totally get it now, when i heard a story about someone who quit grad school and became a forest ranger!!! i would so do that-of course, not become a forest ranger-maybe an accessories manager type person, you know, Kate Middleton`s job before she decided to finally quit it and follow her BF all over the polo-place.

so i will leave the post for now, tomorrow morning, i will wake up by 6:30 and give an account of the time from the time i landed till math camp. i remember everything...certain details of course will be omitted to protect people`s identities ( hahahaha!)

till then, ill get back to trying to understand differential equations. btw, my inspiration to start again was because of all the help that i had got from reading other peoples blogs. their advice on so many tips have helped me so much. i hope that touching on whats its like to be in grad school hell will help someone in the future.

i know you-surfing the web late at night, dreading tomorrows class and what mathematical horrors microeconomics will spring on you. i was there, and i will continue to be there, till i can successfully wiggle my way out of this abyss and get back to decent living with sane people. if you are reading this blog, and are like me - a fairly unstable, social, above average intelligent sort of girl, who likes to study in the week and catch movies and drinks on weekends....then be careful of grad school. it has the potential of sucking everything positive out of you-like dementors.

read on and be posted. i will present the horror that was and continues to be ...Econ grad school....